Greetings Miaowleteers! Gymnastics… a very elegant and superior sport
which I have been enjoying watching with FH.
However, I am a little surprised at the standard of competition. You two legs really do find this difficult
don’t you?? Us kitty cats are blessed
with purrfect gymnastic balance, timing and prowess but then again we are cats!
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| Vault |
So here’s my guide to Purrfect Gymnastics
the Catanian way!
There are a number of events in Gymnastics
for us ladies. All of them require
timing, strength, agility and purrfect elegance (easy peasy for this kitty;-)
Vault
The first event is the vault. This miaowleteers is where you run at full
speed and leap on to your target, then an explosion of gymnastic prowess with
some turns and the odd miaow and you’re off again. I have been practicing on FH by using her
legs as the vault, I take a good run up when she’s not looking and launch
myself at her knees, then using my purrfectly sharpened claws I reach her
shoulders (hopefully she has thick jeans and jumper on, if not she squeals
rather) and vault off. At this I reign
supreme, I have various different vault but the human shoulder tumble is my
finest!
Uneven
Bars
In the uneven bars a kitty must weave and
swing between a set of flexible bars whilst looking graceful and possibly even
jumping on a human or mouse in the process.
Here I am warming up for the uneven bars by sharpening my claws, you
humans seem to require chalk – not us kitty cats, we have claws of grippiness!
Once on the uneven bars it is essential to maintain
kitty elegance and look as if it is just a walk in the park. Grace and kitty model posing are all part of
the picture, the judges will be scoring me on my feline charm you know J
Balance
Beam
Now Miaowleteers I am a little disappointed
with you humans, apparently it is enough to prance around on a non-moving bar
and you call that sport??? Well as I’m a
feline I have decided to take this sport a little further and have developed
the Human Balance Beam.
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| Human Balance Beam |
In this event I
must leap from any object on to a human of my choosing (normally it is only FH
that tolerates this!) and then have to maintain my balance whilst said human
squawks and spins, at the same time I must perform a ‘kill’ maneuver on the
hair presented to me. I must maintain my
feline prowess throughout this maneuver and hold on with claws until the judges
(FH in this case) picks me off and tells me game over. I do think Miaowleteers that this could be
one of my favourite events…. much more challenging than your Balance Beam!
Floor
Floor is where grace, prowess and rhythm
are so important. In this exercise I
must demonstrate my flexibility and agility with tumbles, twists, pivots, leaps
and turns. I am supreme in the kitty
world at this discipline, I practice every day by darting in and out of the
muleteers feet, I pounce on my prey and I have every ounce of elegance required
to achieve Olympic prowess.
FH does get
a little concerned though as I do like to practice in the mud which does mean that
I am not the cleanest of kitty cats, hmmm she can talk, I’ve seen the colour of
her finger nails and some days she wears more mud than The Mini!
Pommel
Horse Mule
Now then Miaowleteers I am not impressed
with ladies Gymnastics, it would appear that the superior of the species (i.e.
us girls) do not get to compete at the same events as the boys. They have a wonderful event called the Pommel
Horse…. Hmmmm…. Well it’s not really that difficult is it boys??
Us girls have a much better version; it’s
called the Pommel Mule.
I think you’ll agree that I have perfected
this sport. I am at one with my
gymnastic equipment and feel the movement.
I can perform amazing turns, twists, balances and pauses on my chosen
Pommel Mule.
Eat your heart out boys; if I could compete
alongside you I’m sure you’d agree you’d be no match for me!
Gold
Medalist
Of course Miaowleteers I would win gold for
Team Kitty GB and I have some final words of wisdom for you medal winners.
Always show appreciation to your coach.
A kiss on the cheek works wonders!
Well Miaowleteers I’m off to watch the rest
of the Olympics, I have been sending training tips to a gymnast called Beth Tweddle,
I think she may have feline agility! Go
Team GB J
